I want to emphasise from the get go here that this reflection is simply that, a reflection – one that focuses in on something that is really a pressure point of the human condition, of the way we live in relation to one another and the way our minds are shaped. It is something I think a lot of us struggle with, whether we realise it or not. And I think it’s something that is important for us to reflect upon and consider more deeply with an open heart, mind, and soul.

So many of us grow up under pressure. Most, if not all, of this pressure is generally external to ourselves. It could be (and most often seems to be) family who put pressure on us to excel, to push ourselves, to achieve highly in all that we do. And while this is not necessarily a bad thing, it can become problematic because it is something that is happening while we are growing and still being shaped as a person, while we are still vulnerable and malleable.  

Such pressure can cause us to reach a point where, when we are slightly older, we begin to put pressure on ourselves. We put pressure on ourselves to succeed, to excel, to push ourselves. But the problem is that we start to push ourselves beyond our limits, and this can become incredibly harmful to ourselves and our own wellbeing. The pressure that has been put on us throughout our lives to this point can actually be detrimental to our mental wellbeing, because it creates a mindset within us that we must be a certain way, we must achieve certain benchmarks at certain times, we must do this and think that in order to be respected as a person.

But therein is the lie. Because here’s the thing – we are all just human, and we are all just doing our best to do what we can. None of us are machines – we cannot just program ourselves to be perfect in all that we do, because no one on Earth is perfect. We all have our flaws, our imperfections. But just because someone has a flaw, just because someone is imperfect, just because someone is simply doing the best they possibly can, does not mean they are any less worthy of respect as a person. Because it takes effort to even live. It takes effort to just get through each day sometimes – and sometimes just getting through the day is an achievement. 

Our lives are not defined by marks, grades, what job we have, what we’re struggling with, or whatever else. They are defined by what we make them in relation with God. Many of us who have been under pressure our whole lives will feel a need to plan out our lives meticulously, because we feel that we need to be in control of something. I think there is really something to that – we have had such little control over our own lives so we begin trying to control what we can. The whole cycle of control is vicious. One person tries to control another, and then that person feels a lack of control in their own life so they try to control something or someone else, and the cycle continues. It is so important for us to break the cycle.

Those of us who have been under pressure for so long can feel a need to satisfy others. We put pressure on ourselves because we have a mindset that if we fail we will disappoint so many people and will be judged for it. But I think we need to ask ourselves a question: why are we allowing other people to control our happiness? Why are we allowing other people to practically run our lives for us? Are those people perfect? Doubt it. And I get that there is this idea among people that they are not perfect themselves but their kids could be perfect and better than them. But that is a lot of pressure to put on a young person in this world. And it is simply not true. Because we are all going to fall short in some way. There is no denying that. Because each one of us is imperfect in some way. And the problem is that when we put so much pressure on young people it can become overwhelming for them, even to the point that it causes significant mental health issues that they have to contend with, possibly even for the rest of their lives. And while this may not be intended, it is what tends to happen nonetheless.

We as human beings were made to live in relation to one another. We were created with free will in order to make choices and decisions that will ultimately affect how we live. But I think we sometimes fail to understand that free will. Because that free will is not simply just choosing whatever we want and expecting it all to turn out good. God gave us free will in the hope that we would use it to choose Him. God wants us to choose Him, to live our lives in accordance with Him, in such a way that will draw us closer to Him and allow us to live in union with Him. The thing is that oftentimes we struggle to do this, because we have been conditioned by the world, by external pressures all around us, to live in a certain way, to act in a certain way, to choose certain things over others, even if living that way, acting that way, and those things that we choose are not good, are not ordered towards our good.

The thing about the external pressures in our lives, pressures we may have grown up with which have affected us for a good portion of our lives thus far, is that they can become incredibly overwhelming. Those pressures can change us. They can put us on a path where we are constantly trying to force things in our lives to happen. They can put us in a mindset where we feel like we absolutely have to go through life in a certain way, rather than allowing God to take the reins. But there is no joy, there is no happiness, there is no life in that. The good in life cannot be forced. It must be allowed in gently when the time is right, when we are prepared to receive it in our hearts, minds, and souls.

I think perfectionism also comes into this. For those of us who have grown up dealing with pressure day in day out, we feel the need to be perfect in all that we do. We feel like everything around us has to be perfect, like every task we carry out has to be done perfectly. If something goes wrong, if something is imperfect, it can irk us to some extent. I want to emphasise here that this is not our own fault. It is a result of those pressures that we face in our early lives, particularly in our childhood. We may have grown up in an environment where there were incredibly high expectations of us. And so we have been constantly trying to live up to those expectations. Our mindset has been shaped by living in such a way, to the point that failure becomes catastrophic and anything less than perfection is unacceptable. Why? Because we have become so conditioned to perfection – or moreso to what is an ideal of perfection. And we fear the judgement or disapproval that may come if we fall short.

Once we are in such a mindset, it is hard to get out of it. I think for those of us who deal with such pressure in our lives, who have grown up dealing with such pressure, this is a difficult reality to face when we are confronted with it. We have this idea that everything in our life needs to be perfect, that our lives must be perfectly planned out, that there is really no viable alternative to that. We put up little walls and defenses to try to block out or shoot down any kind of idea or worldview that may challenge this. And so it becomes challenging to open our hearts, minds, and souls to the alternative that is actually truly perfect – trusting in God and His plan for our lives. 

But here’s the thing (and this is something I’m going to reiterate because it’s important for each one of us to understand, whether we have such a mindset or not) – there is no perfection in this world. There is no perfection in this world. There has only ever been perfection in this world in Jesus Christ and in the Blessed Mother Mary. The idea that we are able to attain some kind of true perfection in this world is just that – an idea. There is no true perfection in this world. It is merely an ideal. It is the same ideal that was fed to the woman by the serpent in the Garden of Eden at the beginning of humankind. The serpent fed her an ideal, a lie, and it took hold, and sin came into the world. The truth is that God created each of us as we are – perfectly imperfect. And there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with our imperfections, because they are what make us human. They are part of the beauty of being human. They are what make us truly unique, what set us apart from others. They are part of the very essence of who we are. And God would not have created us as we are, with our little ‘imperfections’ if not for some purpose, if not to bring glory to Him. Our imperfections help us to grow as people and to grow closer to God. When we understand that we are each imperfect, we can come to see how we are all united in imperfection but together are drawn closer to perfection which is found in Christ.

Christ tells us that we must be perfect as our Heavenly Father is perfect. This does not mean we must be perfect in every way in this world at this very moment – because that would be impossible. What it does mean is that we must unite our lives to God, we must choose Him and give over our lives to Him, to allow Him to take the reins, to freely give of ourselves in all that we are to Him, to trust in Him and His plan for our lives completely, so that He may be able to work in us to purify us, to enact His plan for our lives in His timing, and to draw us closer to Him, closer to perfection, ultimately perfecting us in His goodness, His graces, and His love so that we may come into full union with Him in the Kingdom of Heaven. Being perfect means living our lives in perfect union with God – and while that may be difficult to do, while it may be incredibly challenging to overcome the mindsets we have become rooted in as a result of the external pressures that have impacted us from a young age, it is so incredibly rewarding when we do it. It is so freeing, because we come to understand that God has got us, that He is working in our lives, and that being who we are, being everything that we are, being perfectly imperfect, is okay, that it is good. And it is once we come to understand this that we can truly find peace and live a truly fulfilling life.

So it is okay for things not to go right. It is okay for things not to go as we plan them. It is okay to make mistakes. It is okay to fall. It is okay to fail. It is okay for things not to be perfect. Those imperfections are okay. In fact, they are good. Because they make us human. They make us real. They make us who we are. And It is okay to let go of control. It is okay to give over control to God. It is okay to feel, to express yourself, to be you in all that you are in every moment, even if you’re a mess, because that’s real. That’s genuine. That is human. We are not machines. We are not perfectly built machines that can do everything right and perfectly all the time. We are human. We are going to feel, and think, and struggle, and try, and do what we can, even if that seems insignificant, even if it is just getting through another day. There is no truly human person in the history of mankind that has truly lived in a machine-like manner. Even the incarnation of perfection itself – Jesus Christ – did not exist purely in His Divinity, but took on humanity and all its struggles, all its emotions, all its moments of joy and sorrow. He experienced what it is to be human. He felt the moments of heartache, of trepidation. He saw people struggle, He saw people fall, He saw people just trying to get by, and He met them where they were at. He loved them in all their woundedness, in all their brokenness, in all their struggles, in all their imperfections. And that has never changed. He loves you in all your wounds, in all your brokenness, in all that you think and feel and struggle with. He loves you in all that you are, no matter what. He did not create you to be perfect in this world, because the idea of perfection in this world is warped by sin and evil. He created you to be you. He created you to be everything that you are. There are no great expectations of perfection as the world would have it. There is only this: that you open your heart, mind, and soul to Him and to all He has planned for your life, and that you be all that you were created to be in His Goodness, in His Grace, and in His Love.