Featured

Welcome!

On By Joel AgiusIn Uncategorized3 Comments

Hey! Welcome to JJ’s Outlook, a blog where you’ll find all my content and political commentary online. While I write for this blog, I also write for several publications, including The Spectator Australia and The Good Sauce. I post links to my articles in those publications here as well. If you like what you read, feel free to give it a like, or leave a comment to let me know what you think. You can also subscribe via email to the blog if you’d like to get email notifications when new posts go live.

Enjoy your visit!

Right Where I’m Meant To Be

On By Joel AgiusIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

I think finding one’s vocation is one of the most challenging tasks that we must carry out as human beings. We are each given an innate calling from our inception, from the very beginning of our individual creation, to journey towards God, who is the fulfillment of our very being, of our very nature – a nature whose end is found in what Aristotle terms eudaimonia, in flourishing, in happiness. Our ultimate end is found in eternal happiness, which can only be attained by reaching the Kingdom of Heaven and beholding the most true, good, and beautiful being of all – the Beatific Vision, God Himself, revealed to us fully.

But in order to realise that innate calling and to attain our end, we are also given an earthly calling, one which typically corresponds to the gifts that we are given by God. These gifts are qualities of God. In creating us in His Image, God instils His qualities within us so that we may truly be images of Him within the world. Each one of us possesses a unique set of gifts, gifts which we are called to use in very different ways in order to co-operate with God within the world, to contribute to goodness, truth, and beauty and to share these eternal qualities of God – these transcendentals – with others, so that they may also come to know the ever-loving God who created them. 

It is not an easy task, however, to discover what that calling – our vocation – is. Sometimes it takes a few false starts before we find what we were truly created to do, what those set of gifts God has given us correspond to in this life. Sometimes we have to shift between a few different pursuits, career paths, study paths, or ways of life, before we find that one which clicks, which truly enriches us – that one in which we truly thrive and find true happiness, rather than just venturing down the study path for the sake of attaining a job, or doing a job for the sake of doing it, or for the sake of making money. This vocation has to be something that is more than just a means to an end. It has to be something that truly fulfills us, that fulfills our nature, and  which will truly lead us towards our final end of flourishing and happiness.

This piece is not just a standard piece on vocation. To be quite honest, sometimes the subject of vocation is done to death. It is also not a piece like any other I’ve really written. Because the inspiration for this one is not some issue I see in the world, it’s not even really some kind of personal issue that has arisen in my own life. No, the inspiration for this one is unexpected. It came from somewhere that I truly did not expect, but which has been a true joy to experience. It has come from my work, and in particular my wonderful students from a Revolutionary new unit at ACU (see what I did there, guys 🙂 ). So THCC100 legends, this one is for you. Think of this as my own Summative Reflection for you guys. (NB: Some of the references are going to make sense only to them, but the general gist of the piece should work without understanding them.) 

When I was in high school, my initial dream was to be a writer – but not a writer of articles like this. I wanted to write books. My ultimate goal was to write a novel. When I reached the senior years of high school, I cultivated this passion into a little blog, which is where I began to post little short stories that I would write in my spare time. I thought they were pretty cool at the time. When I look back on them now, some of them are maybe a bit cringeworthy. Others have possibly stood the test of time a little better. But hey, I’m my own worst critic. And I think many times we all are our own worst critics. We all hold ourselves to a certain standard, and if we don’t meet that, we can become frustrated at ourselves. We can think we’re not good enough, and we can begin to bring ourselves down. But there is an inherent value in what we do by virtue of us doing it, because only by doing it can we learn and grow and become our best selves. I don’t like to say we become a better version of ourselves, because I feel that term makes it out as if the previous ‘versions’ of ourselves weren’t good enough, and that’s not really a healthy way of thinking. We all have inherent value and self-worth in every stage of our lives, no matter what we’re going through, despite any external circumstances.

In those later years of high school, I also dreamed up a few ideas for novels, which I began to put on paper and ended up writing a few chapters. I never had the chance to finish any of those projects. When I finished high school and entered university, I was originally going to do a degree in creative writing, in the hopes of pursuing my goal of becoming a published author. But then practicality struck, and I came to an understanding that it was probably going to be difficult to make it as a published author, and that it would be more stable to use my craft in another area. So I took up a degree in communications, majoring in both journalism and creative writing.

Now, originally this degree was supposed to be three years. For me, it turned into four, which I credit somewhat to an error in the advice I was given as per my program requirements, but mainly to the continued development of two mental health conditions – anxiety and depression.

Now some would say it’s advisable not to mention mental health because it can be somewhat of a deterrent for people, because it can be uncomfortable. But that is likely more of a tragic reflection of the world in which we live. Because to me, mental health is something that needs to be talked about. Many of us silently battle mental health conditions every single day of our lives. And to an extent, they are part of who we are. We cannot just flip a switch and turn them off. And to be forced to hide them is only detrimental to us as human beings. Because we are created to live in communion with others. And these conditions, conditions like anxiety and depression, can become incredibly isolating. It is a unique kind of suffering to have to sit alone with your thoughts, battling them day-in, day-out, thinking that there is no one out there who truly understands you.

Throughout the time I was undertaking my Bachelor’s degree, I ended up having to take some time off study, because there was a point where it became a real struggle to even think straight, let alone put in the effort to write a well-rounded academic paper. 

And I write this not to seek pity, nor to make myself look weak or incapable of dealing with these struggles of life. I write this for my students who fight these battles as well. Because I want you to know that these struggles do not make you any lesser, they do not make you weak. It is by virtue of your perseverance through these struggles, in spite of these struggles, that they actually make you stronger. 

In the latter half of my Bachelor’s degree, I began writing social and political commentary. I wasn’t too bad at it. I started writing freelance for The Spectator Australia and managed to get quite a number of articles published, and quite a few of them did quite well. But after some time, I realised it was taking a toll on me mentally to be in a space of incredible constant negativity. Because unfortunately that’s what sells in the media in the modern age – only the most critical articles that practically bring people down generate clicks. Again, another tragic reflection on the world in which we live.

Around the time that I finished up writing as a regular contributor for the Speccie, and after attempting to venture into the podcasting space a little as well (yes, I started a podcast and yes, there are a couple of episodes I published from years ago – again, I cringe watching them back), some significant changes took place in my life. I finished up working at my Parish Office at the time and moved into a job in admin in the School of Philosophy & Theology at the University of Notre Dame Australia. I also moved Parishes. I started to build up community at my new Parish. I developed a strong devotion to Our Lady and began praying the Rosary daily (which I’m happy to say has continued to this day). The work I was doing was ok, but I didn’t really feel like I was fulfilled in what I was doing just yet.

One thing I did love about my job were the people I worked with. Not only were the admin staff lovely, but I found myself really drawn to the academics in the School of P&T. I was having conversations with them, asking them questions, and they were just really wonderful to talk with. A few weeks before I decided to finish up in my role, I was invited to attend a Parish Council Meeting at my Parish as a youth representative. In this meeting, we had a discussion about developing programs for our younger children, because there was a gap there – there was nothing really happening for them to be involved in. Having taught Scripture in primary schools for a number of years, I noted the gap and committed to creating a program for our young Catholics. 

It was after this meeting that I realised that I wanted to teach. But I didn’t just want to teach anything – I wanted to teach the faith. I wanted to share the faith that I had begun to grow so much in with the young people of this world. And so I looked into courses of study at several universities, attempting to find my way into a Master’s course in Education. At first, I looked to primary education, mainly because that was what I had been used to teaching when I taught Scripture. Then I reflected and considered how I would prefer to teach older students, so that I could better connect with them and teach more advanced concepts. So I decided on a Master’s in Secondary Teaching. There was, however, a small road bump, in that I required a certain number of English Literature units in order to qualify for the Master’s.

So, I quit my job and went back to study. I undertook three English Literature units which, to be quite honest, I didn’t really want to do. But I got them done, and I managed to qualify for the Master’s program.

At the beginning of 2025, I went to uni thinking that in about a year and a half I would be teaching Secondary Religious Education and English. After my first week of classes, I found myself rethinking everything. I wasn’t happy with what I was studying. I felt so disconnected from it all. And I felt as if I was going to be so incredibly constrained by the curriculum I would have to teach. Someone had also said to me at the time that they chose to go into university teaching rather than secondary because at least university students want to be in the class they are taking. That comment struck me, and I began researching degrees that may be conducive to teaching Theology at a University level. I set up a meeting with one of the academics I’d gotten to know in my time working in P&T (who was very helpful) to talk it over and explore my options, and I enrolled in a Graduate Certificate in Theological Studies.

Everything was going swimmingly. I was loving my classes, asking questions, and exploring ideas and concepts that really got me thinking deeply not only about various aspects of theology, but also certain aspects of life, of humanity, of what it means to be human (I remember asking one of my lecturers one day about whether we could engineer the brain of a person with a lack of empathy in order to evoke empathy within them). I was also cultivating new friendships, and continuing to grow in community in my Parish, actively contributing to ministry, particularly liturgical ministry.

And then came the storm. In the last week before our Semester 1 study week, my anxiety came back – and it came back bad. I was having pretty shocking attacks pretty much every day. I remember barely being able to get through a presentation assessment I had to do in class that week. I remember how difficult it was to function most days. That week was also Holy Week, and I was up on the Sanctuary of the Church, serving as the liturgical Master of Ceremonies, and struggling to get through our liturgies at our Parish.

I remember being so upset at the time at how my anxiety was robbing me of the ability to just live. I could barely actively participate each week at Mass. I couldn’t enjoy moments with my friends because my focus was taken up by trying to get myself through each attack. It was hell. I had hoped the attacks would subside after Holy Week, but they continued coming on even when we went back to uni a week later, and I could barely get through class. There was one day where I had such a horrific attack that I had to take the day off classes. 

As the months progressed, I started talking to a psychologist, and sought spiritual guidance from a few priests I know. At the time, I asked a good priest I know, who also happened to be my lecturer for a couple of units, a very raw and difficult question – one which I was really struggling with: Why do I have to endure this particular kind of suffering, these anxiety attacks, while others go through life never once experiencing such an attack? I remember Father telling me that anxiety is a horrible thing, because there is no real logic behind it – there is nothing you can really do other than ride it out until it subsides. But he also said that those people who don’t experience anxiety attacks often have other crosses that they are carrying, and we just don’t realise it sometimes. Looking back on this in light of the last few months in particular, I can understand that now.

In July of 2025, having completed my Graduate Certificate and enrolled in a Master’s in Liberal Arts with a focus on Theology, an opportunity came my way to begin teaching in the Core Curriculum at ACU. I remember going in to teach for the first time at Blacktown, and feeling like I was so out of my depth, like I didn’t deserve to be in such a position, like I was an imposter. That imposter syndrome is something that I have experienced many times over the last year or so. As the Semester went on, I did my best to teach well, and to guide my students through a unit that I could sense most of them had no particular interest in. When I finished teaching that Semester, I felt a little deflated. I hadn’t really had a lot of engagement from the students that I was teaching, and I felt as if maybe I hadn’t done such a great job at teaching – maybe I really was out of my depth and undeserving of such a privileged position.

Regardless, I wanted to keep at it. So I reached out to Notre Dame to see if there was a possibility of me coming back to work as a sessional tutor in the Core Curriculum there as well. Thanks be to God, I received a positive response, the wheels were set in motion, and I had the opportunity to teach in the Core Curriculum at Notre Dame over the last few months, which I am truly grateful for – it was very special to be back as a member of staff at the university where this journey into teaching all began.

Then, at the tail end of last year, and into the beginning of this year, I ended up in a bit of a depressive slump. That’s really putting it mildly – I was really going through it. There were days where I barely got out of bed. I added panic attacks to my roster of mental health conditions. And I spent quite a lot of time tearing up at the Adoration Chapel at my Parish.

It was during this time that I reached my lowest – and I truly mean the lowest I have ever been. I asked God so many questions – Why can’t you let me be happy? What else do you want to take from me? Where are you? 

And, probably the most soul-shattering of them all – Did you create me only to suffer?

To be very raw and honest – I reached a point where I was all but ready to give up my faith.

Looking back on that moment now, I know without doubt that I chose well in not giving it up. Looking back on that suffering now, I can see the purpose to it all. Looking back on it all now, I am just in complete awe at how God works.

A few months ago, I received an offer from ACU to teach in a brand new unit in the Core Curriculum at Strathfield. I jumped at the opportunity. When I was given access to the Canvas site and looked over the Modules, my face lit up – I saw parts of my faith in there that I absolutely loved to talk about – Beauty, Love, Liturgy. But I was particularly drawn to a Module entitled ‘Suffering and Hope.’ I knew right away that this Module could be something truly impactful, and I wanted to teach it with a touch of personal experience.

Over the last few months, I have had the pleasure of teaching this incredible unit. But more importantly than that, I have had the absolute pleasure of getting to know 57 amazing young people from various walks of life who are all pursuing their own passions. I remember the first week I met them, I was again experiencing that imposter syndrome, feeling like I shouldn’t be here. I felt like I was probably boring them to death already with the way in which I was teaching the content.

But as the weeks went on, I became more enthusiastic – I remember telling them how excited I was to teach them about the Council of Nicaea (if you guys are reading this, I know you probably thought I was a little too excited about that) – and they began to open up more. Week after week they kept coming back. They asked brilliant questions – questions that really got me thinking and at some times even stumped me a little (I think I still owe a couple of you some answers). We had incredible class discussions. I remember being in awe as they told me all the wonderful, unique experiences of beauty they’d had. I remember the smile etched into my face as they told me all the things that they were hoping for. I loved the chats we were having in the breaks and before and after class.

For the first time in a long time, I looked forward to going to work each week. I looked forward to creating my slides, to finding ways in which I could make them funny and entertaining while at the same time teaching in such a way in which my students could truly grasp the content and get something out of it for themselves. Even though I was up at the crack of dawn on Monday mornings so that I could get to Mass before my first Tutorial of the day, I didn’t mind it. Because every morning, I would have the opportunity to go and pray for my students, to ask God for the guidance and inspiration to teach them well, and to just thank Him for the opportunity to teach them.

As tutors, as teachers, oftentimes we only plant the seeds. We don’t often get to see the fruits that grow from those seeds that we plant. But I am truly grateful to say that I have been privileged enough to see such fruits in these wonderful students. I have heard some truly amazing, life-changing stories of the impact taking this unit has had on their lives. And for that, I cannot thank God enough. Because I know now that He has been working through me.

I have been so inspired by the students in these two amazing Tutorials I have taught at ACU this Semester. I feel like, in some way, they have taught me more than I have taught them. Journeying with them throughout this course as their guide (and really as their fellow learner) has been one of the greatest privileges of my life. So much so that I travelled into campus at Strathfield to be around for them and support them before and after their exam last week – that should say everything about the impact they have made on me. 

I have come to realise over these last few months, and in the days following their exam, that all that suffering I endured a few months ago – all the suffering I have endured over many years – has been given a purpose. God has used me as an instrument to touch the lives of these beautiful souls, and to guide them to Him, back to Him, or closer to Him. 

And I speak now to you, my wonderful students of THCC100. You have shown me what it truly means to be a teacher. You have shown me that teaching is more than just about relaying content and making sure you understand it all. You have shown me that teaching is more than just making sure you all know what you’re doing with your assessments. You have shown me that teaching is much more than just getting you through the Semester and marking all your papers. It is so much more than all of that.

You have shown me that teaching is about connection. It is about being pastoral, about getting to know you all. It is about understanding each and every one of you, where you are at in your own lives, what you are searching for, what you are working towards, and how I can help you and guide you on your journey of life.

You have made me realise just how incredibly important pastoral care is in teaching. When I came into this line of work, pastoral care was always at the centre of my teaching philosophy. But you guys have cemented it there. You guys have made me understand the value of it, have shown me the value of it, and have given me the opportunity to put it into practice. 

But what you have shown me more than anything else is that I have truly found my calling in this vocation. 

They say that, as a teacher, you always remember your first class. For me, I will never forget the first classes I taught in this unit. Even though you were technically the third and fourth classes I ever taught, you will always be the ones that I remember. We have all been part of pioneering this unit together, and that is an experience I will deeply treasure as I hopefully continue to teach (and hopefully continue to teach this unit) for many years to come.

It’s not an easy task to figure out what your calling in this life really is. It’s not an easy task to come to that discovery of your vocation. It takes time. And oftentimes, it takes falling down and getting back up again quite a few times before you finally find it. It takes a few false starts before you finally get the car in drive (and it’s nice to have a good, working car that doesn’t break down, right?). 

These classes this Semester, these wonderful students I have had the true privilege of teaching, have given me the greatest gift I could ever ask for. I feel truly alive for the first time in a long time. They have given me hope. They have given my suffering purpose. They have shown me that I am, without a doubt, right where I am meant to be.

And for that – for that, I truly cannot thank them enough.

The Truth of Beauty

On By Joel AgiusIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Last week, as I was preparing my slides for my weekly Tutorials that I teach at Notre Dame and ACU, I went searching for some images to include (I like to include some visual content in my slides to get the students a bit more engaged with the content). This week, by some grace, the topic for my classes at both universities overlapped, so I was able to come up with some ideas that I could use for both. The topic in question – beauty.

So, as usual, I went to Google Images and punched in a key term to find a few images that could link up well with the content on the slides. I started with ‘beauty.’ As soon as I saw the results, I said to myself and aloud to the empty room I was in “nope, I’m using my own images.” 

You know what came up when I looked up beauty? Images of beauty products, and images of women. And it was these search results that sparked the idea for the crux of my lesson this week.

This world has such a superficial understanding of beauty. All people seem to see is the exterior, that beauty which is on the outside. They truly take beauty at face value – because they only see how a person or a thing looks. They do not see that interior beauty that resides within.

This is especially true in the consideration of people. Christ says in the Gospel of Matthew “They look, but they do not see.” Oftentimes, we look at someone, but we do not see them. We do not see them for who they truly are. We look at their superficial features, but we do not see past this. We do not see that interior beauty that lies within their heart, their soul.

When we look for a partner in life, for a future spouse, so many of us get caught up in idealism. We come up with a perfect person in our mind, and then either attempt to search them out, or, failing that, impose that ideal on another. What we must come to understand is that there is no ‘perfect person.’ There have only ever been two truly perfect people in the whole of human existence – Jesus Christ, and the Blessed Virgin Mary. Not one of us living today is perfect. And while we can attempt to impose our ideals upon another, chances are that person is always going to fall short in some way of the perfection that we have set our minds and hearts to.

Oftentimes, when we traverse this path, we fall in love with the idea of a person, rather than the person themselves. We fall in love with the idea of who they could be. We don’t fall in love with who they are. We do not actually see them. We just see a version of them that we want them to be. The harsh truth of this is that it is not reality – it is delusion. And when we become so fixated on such a delusion, we’re only going to continue to damage and tear apart our own hearts.

We all have a desire in our hearts to be seen. We have a desire for others to see us for who we truly are, not for who they want us to be. And that desire to be seen is not just a desire to be seen in the joy and glory of life, in our moments of elation and light, but also in our hurt, in the pains and darkness of life, in our brokenness.

So many of us are broken. So many of us are hurting in some way. So many of us carry wounds that run deep within our hearts and souls. But because this world has such a superficial understanding of beauty, because this world only looks, people do not see those wounds that we carry. People do not see how broken we truly are. And so, we are often left to deal with that pain, that hurt, that brokenness, alone. And that loneliness is harsh. It is isolating, debilitating, overwhelming, draining. 

Oftentimes, we will try to hide that pain, that brokenness, because we have been conditioned by the world to believe that it is ugly – that by the sheer fact of experiencing such a thing we are made ugly. But in hiding it, we are only lying to ourselves. We are living a lie. Because what we are doing is attempting to convince ourselves that this reality that lies within us does not exist. But it does. It is very real. And it is not just going to disappear because we try to pretend it isn’t there. 

This is like putting makeup on to hide a blemish. I know people are probably going to disagree with this point, but I’m not afraid to make it regardless. Makeup is kind of like a mask. When we put it on, we are practically hiding our true selves. We might say that we wear makeup to appear more beautiful. But we have already been created beautiful. Our natural beauty is what radiates for the entirety of our lifespan – it is a beauty that has been bestowed upon us by God, who has created us in His Image and likeness. And if God is the perfection of all beauty, and we are created in His Image, then we too are beautiful, without having to go to the added lengths of putting on makeup.

In the same way, God has created us with a rational mind, and a heart and a soul that feels emotion. This emotion is what allows us to perceive, to appreciate, and to create, particularly when it comes to beauty. We can perceive beauty through our rational minds, appreciate it, and feel a desire in us to share that beauty with others. We thus use creativity, a quality of God’s that He has instilled in us in creating us, to express that beauty, be it through paintings, sculptures, music, or any form of art. It is what allows us to take that beauty which transforms our own hearts and share it with others in the hope that it will also transform theirs.

There is, therefore, nothing wrong with that emotion. There is nothing wrong with feeling emotion. This world, in its superficial understanding of the human person, seems to have conditioned us to believe that certain emotions are ‘wrong’ or ‘negative’ or ‘problematic’ and that we shouldn’t feel those emotions – that they are only going to be detrimental to us. This is particularly true of emotions relative to hurt and brokenness, to an interior pain we feel, an interior suffering that many fail to truly see, because they have become so blinded by the superficial standards of this world.

It is only in feeling such emotions, and in going through such experiences of brokenness and darkness, that we are truly able to appreciate the light and beauty. And often it is only in enduring such darkness, such brokenness, that we are able to truly appreciate and understand what others are silently going through, and to truly see them. 

Many of us are silently enduring. There is a beauty in endurance in spite of brokenness, there truly is. But that doesn’t mean we should have to always endure such brokenness, such pain, such darkness, alone. We shouldn’t have to hide who we are in all our ugliness, in all our brokenness. 

When we do this – when we try to run from the pain or push it down and pretend it isn’t there – we end up doing greater damage, not only to ourselves but to those around us. It is absolutely true that hurt people hurt people, and broken people break others. We see this on a grand scale in global conflicts, where people who are likely deeply wounded themselves go and wage war and hurt countless others. But we also see it on a more personal level when those who are deeply wounded inflict wounds on others, whether they realise they’re doing it or not.

We run from the pain or push it down because there is no one there who truly sees us. And the loneliness of dealing with that pain alone is too much for us to handle. We long to be seen, but there seem to be so few people in the world who know how to see. And so those wounds continue to bleed, even though we ‘think’ we have fixed them. And this affects our capacity to love, to truly love, and to receive the love others seek to give to us. 

This week, I asked my students to take a minute to think of an experience of beauty they have had, and then to share that with the class. Each one gave me an experience that I could tell was from the heart, an experience that had clearly transformed their heart in some way. I then told them about my own experiences of beauty, and how my perception of beauty has to some degree changed over time.

I truly believe that one of the most sincere and truest forms of beauty is found in friendship. It is found in that kind of friendship in which one person truly sees the other. They see them in all their woundedness, in all their brokenness, and they choose to love them regardless. When people hear the word ‘love,’ they will often automatically think of some kind of romantic love – again, this is a product of the superficial world in which we live. But the kind of love I speak of here is not a romantic love. It is a higher form of love, a truer kind of love. It is that love which requires us to give of ourselves, to be open to being hurt in spite of the love that we seek to give. It is that love in which we give – we give all of who we are – not for the sake of attaining something in return, but simply for the sake of giving and loving. It is a truly self-sacrificial kind of a love, that love which Christ Himself demonstrates for us on the Cross and calls us to imitate – that agape love. 

Beauty, love, and friendship are inherently linked. Love and friendship go hand-in-hand. Love is an essential quality of the truest form of friendship, and it is that love in friendship in which beauty is revealed. There is a true beauty in being able to see another and to choose to love them regardless of their brokenness, their shortcomings, or their imperfections. Our imperfections are what make us unique, and there is a real beauty in that, too. We are perfectly imperfect. And when we recognise that another’s imperfections are actually beautiful, it is only then that we can begin to truly see a person and to recognise their interior beauty – that beauty which is most important. 

If I were to put this all into a short summative statement, it would be this:

To be seen is to be loved. And to be loved is to be seen.

It is only when we see someone that we can truly love them for all that they are. So, look beyond the surface. Look beyond and see. Because when we see, we can appreciate the beauty in another, the beauty that God has instilled in them by virtue of their very creation, of their very existence. Church of England priest Charles Kingsley once said that “beauty is God’s handwriting.” Each one of us is an integral part of God’s book of life. Let us appreciate the beauty in every chapter that we encounter throughout our lives.

There is beauty all around us, if only we have the eyes to see.

The Thoughts of an Overthinker

On By Joel AgiusIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

We all think. We all have thoughts. To think is to be human. We are all thinkers in some way. Sometimes we think deeply. Sometimes the thoughts we have are surface level. But each time we think, we bring something to life in our mind – an idea, a thought, a memory. Those thoughts can be passing, or we can keep them around. But regardless of what we do, we are going to have thoughts, because that is part of the human condition.

While we can have pleasant thoughts, and while we can think rationally and deeply about things, about parts of life, about how the world works, about the way in which we as human beings live, we also have the capacity to have thoughts which are not so fun to deal with, thoughts that can either hit us like a tonne of bricks or creep up slowly and hit us before we even know they are there – either way they may occur, they affect us deeply. They can be intrusive, drawing in our attention, our focus, towards them, feeding us an idea that we slowly start to believe and struggle to get away from. But that idea is not real. It is a lie that is planted in our minds like a seed, and each time we give it thought it is as if we are watering it, allowing it to grow until it blossoms in all its ugliness and begins to tear us apart. But it can be so difficult to uproot that seed, to tear it out of our mind and discard it. And it begins to shape how we see things, how we see people, how we see parts of our life, how we see the things which matter most to us, the people who matter most to us, the parts of our life that matter most to us. And it gives us a false idea of reality.

The thing about thinking is that we do it so much that it becomes second nature to us. Sometimes we don’t even really think about it – we just think because that is what we as humans do. But some of us think too much. We become obsessed with and overwhelmed by thoughts. The thoughts keep coming and our minds race. And we cannot stop it. We cannot stop thinking, even if it is becoming overwhelming and tearing us up inside and making us all anxious or depressed. The thoughts paralyse us. They hold us in place while they build and whirl around inside our heads. They do not even give us a second to escape. It’s like being in a car and losing control of the vehicle and all you can do is just sit there in place and hold on for the ride and hope you get through it, and hope that things right themselves. 

The thing about overthinkers is that we care. We genuinely care. A lot. We care a lot about the people we care about. We have big hearts and we care so much so that we do all we can to make sure the people we care about are okay. We are there for them no matter what – whenever, wherever, however. We are ready to be there for them in their joyful moments, in all that they achieve. And we are also ready to help them bear their burdens, to carry the weight of their struggles, their pain, their suffering, even when we are shouldering our own. Because that’s who we are.

And so we think – a lot. Because we want to make sure we don’t do anything wrong, that we don’t say anything wrong, that we don’t cause any harm to the people we care about. We sometimes overanalyse conversations, messages, interactions that we have with the people we care about. We start to think that we might have upset them, or that we might have done something to cause them to see us differently, to change their perception of us in a not so great way. We think of every possible scenario and our minds tend to focus on the worst-case scenario – we catastrophise. Why? Because in some way we are trying to protect ourselves and the people we care about from harm. We are trying to prepare ourselves so that if the worst-case scenario does occur it might not be as painful as it would be if we had not have thought of it and given it consideration. The thing is that often that worst-case scenario does not take place. It is a fiction of our mind that will never actually come to pass. But it still takes up capacity in our thoughts. 

And I think we tend to have this worry that we’ll be too much for people. We worry that we will push the people we care about away, and that we will end up on our own with only our thoughts to keep us company – the very thoughts which cause us to struggle. And that is the last thing we want. We worry that we will lose the people we really care about, because those are the people we truly value, who enrich our lives and make them so much greater, who give our lives meaning, who help us to truly live. To lose those people would be akin to losing the very essence of our life itself. Those people bring us joy, they help us to stay grounded and keep living even in the moments when we struggle to try. They are like family to us, like a family outside of our actual family. 

They say you can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends. But what they don’t tell you is sometimes the friends you choose become your family. They are the people you would be there for in a heartbeat, no matter where they are, no matter what they need, no matter when they need it. They are the people you would fight for, who you would protect and defend at any cost. They are the people who you know would be there for you when you need it, because they also value you. They are the people you might never have expected to know, who you might have never expected to come into your life, who you might never have expected to grow close to – but you know that God led you to them and brought them into your life. You know that this is a God-given family, one that you will always be grateful for no matter what. And you never want to cause them harm. You never want to lose them. Because to do so would be soul-crushing. They mean a lot to you. Even when they joke around with you or tease you. Even when they stress you out. Because sometimes they do stress you out. And sometimes they do cause you to think a little harder, sometimes they have you wondering if you’re doing the best you can for them, if you’re being there for them in the best way. But that’s okay. Because it’s worth it. Because they matter. Each one of them matters. And despite the stress they might cause you at times, despite that at times you might lose a little sleep, they make your life so much better and you can never really express to God how grateful you are for them, because that gratitude is so profound.

When you find a God-given family like that, you can never take them for granted. And that’s the thing about overthinkers – we don’t want to take them for granted. But we can start to have thoughts about losing them. We can start to worry that we will be too much for them, that we will put too much on them, that we will become more of a burden than a good friend. And that is a really difficult thought to face, because with that thought comes the thought of losing them, of losing the people we truly care about. We don’t want to push them away. But we can become scared, terrified even, that we will become too much for them and that they will leave. This is why we overthink our interactions, our conversations. And then we start to question whether they actually want us in their lives, whether they actually value us as much as we value them, or if we are just another friend that they will one day leave behind. And that is one of the scariest thoughts.

The thing is as overthinkers we sometimes struggle to say these things. We sometimes struggle to express them because we think that we might say too much and scare off the people we really care about. And that is the last thing we want to do. We never want to hurt them. We never want to cause them any harm, or distress, or anxiety, or depression, or overwhelm, or anything. And when we see them hurting, when we see them struggling, we want to be there for them as best we can. And sometimes we wonder if we’re doing enough. Sometimes we wish we could do more. Because that’s the thing about overthinkers – we care a lot about the people we care about. And when we see them going through it, we want to help ease that burden. Because we know how hard it is to deal with. We know how exhausting it can be. And if we can do anything, even the smallest, seemingly insignificant thing, we’ll do it just to help ease the burden a little.

For overthinkers, thinking can be a lot. It can be taxing, it can be mentally draining, it can cause us to crash out and become paralysed at times by mere thought – oftentimes this is relative to thoughts about something or someone we care about. But it all comes from a place of great care, of great love for our people, for the ones who are like family to us. We love them, we care about them, and we want to see them thrive. They are a great gift from God to us and we know that God has great plans for their lives and is going to work in and through them in the most amazing ways. And each day, we are grateful to God for our people. Each day, I am grateful to God for my people, for my God-given family that I found in a Parish dedicated to family.

The Human Experience

On By Joel AgiusIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

The human condition is an experience. It is something we live out only once, but is filled with different chapters, a multitude of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. No one life is straightforward, because the human condition is complex. Each of us are really just doing our best to live, to get by, to figure out how we make our way through the world. And that is not always a simple task. It can be difficult, overwhelming even.

See the thing about life is that it’s not always sunshine and rainbows. There are the joys of life which we experience, and we wish we could just hold onto those moments, to cling to them because they are good. But while we can remember them and reminisce over them even, life moves forward. And with the highs come the lows. Each of us will experience those times in our lives when we struggle to get through the day, when all we want to do is sit and wallow in the chaos of our own minds. We let the thoughts consume us, because we struggle to muster up the strength to even fight them, because to fight them can just be exhausting and even more draining. It’s easier to just sit and let it all flow as it may.

I think the thing about us as humans is we become so drawn to ideals. We go through life and experience things and think that maybe we can replicate that, maybe we can live that over and over again. But the harsh reality of life is that once we have an experience we can never get it back. We can never truly replicate something. Because that is not realistic. It’s not how life works. We move through life and meet people and they join our lives for a season or two. But then they leave, or we leave. Or maybe they hurt us, and our hearts and minds keep a record of that, so much so that they try to protect us from ever being hurt again. Because the last thing we want as humans is to be hurt. We want to do all we can to avoid pain, to avoid suffering, to avoid being damaged. 

The thing about us as humans is that our minds work in such a way that we can become attached to others, and to experiences. When we form bonds with other people, these bonds form what we call neuropathways within the brain in the same activation centre that things like alcohol, drugs, and things like sugar light up when we consume them. And so, thoughts and memories can light these up as well. We may spend time dwelling on memories, on the times of the past, and in doing so we feed those pathways and ultimately the groove of the attachment bond. And given our human anthropology – to live in relation to others – and our biological instinct not to be alone but to be in partnership, we are more readily able to access positive memories over negative ones. And that can be a whole trip in itself.

But there will be moments when we are able to experience a sense of clarity of mind and thought, and to recognise the reality of whatever we may be struggling with. And we ultimately recognise the reality life – that the ideal is not something that is real. It is merely that – an ideal. It is something that exists only in our mind. And it is so taxing because we can become so attached to it that it can be a struggle to let it go, to overcome the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that come with it. But I think in those moments of clarity, we can rationalise a little better, because we no longer only become focused on the positive memories, but we are better able to access the not so great memories as well, and so we are better able to recognise the reality of it all. 

And I think that when we come to recognise that, we can come to see how God has a greater plan for us, how He has people out there for us that are good for us, that are going to be good to us, that are going to treat us well no matter what – even in the darker times in life. Because those are the times when we really see who people are below the surface. It is in moments of brokenness, of hardship, of trials, and moments when things do not go how we want them to go, moments when things go awry, that we as humans show each other who we are. Some of us retreat into ourselves and try to hide. Some of us become angry and hurt others. And some of us do all we can to push on and just keep fighting to get through it, to accept what has happened and to bear the burdens as they fall – we don’t let it consume us, we don’t let ourselves become problematic and hurtful and toxic to the people around us. We just do our best to pick up the pieces and move forward.

I think the hardest part for many of us is to be able to face the harsh realities of life. Because those realities can be difficult to contend with. Sometimes we feel it would be easier to just hide away from them, to run from them and try to escape them. But the thing about being human is that we can never really outrun them. Because we will tire, and they will catch up to us. And when they do it can be even harder to face them, to confront them. But part of being human and living this thing we call life is that we must face those realities and come to accept them, even if it hurts to do that, even if it feels like hell.

And that is why it is so important to have a good group of people around us to support us, to be there for us when we are struggling, when we are dealing with such thoughts and feelings and emotions and struggles, when we are in the midst of it and we are struggling with the realities of it all. Because we humans have wild imaginations, and we tend to get stuck on the what-ifs. But life is not a series of what-ifs – it is a tapestry of experiences which shape us, which help us to learn and better understand the intricacies of what life is. It is a series of realities which confront us, which we can choose to accept and learn from, or to ignore and dispose ourselves to a greater struggle. I think often we really know what the reality is. But sometimes it takes an outside perspective to help us to understand it better, because when we are so caught up in our own thoughts and we allow our imagination to run wild we cannot possibly think clearly and process and understand that reality. Those people that are around us, that support us and are there for us, those are the people we should turn to. Those are the people that will help us to contend with whatever we are facing, who will walk with us, who will guide us, who will be there for us, who will pray with and for us.

I think sometimes that we become so attached to the past because we are scared of the future. We cling to what we have experienced in the past because we think it might give us a sense of comfort. But that ‘comfort’ is fleeting. True comfort is found in the people who support us through these times, and in God and our Christian faith. It is in these times that we should draw near to God, to place our trust and faith in Him and His plan for our lives, to just allow Him to take over, to allow Him to take care of us, to rest in Him. I truly believe that it is faith that keeps us going through some of the most challenging times of our lives, because it is that faith which grounds us and helps us to understand and accept the realities of life. 

I think we also become attached to the experiences of the past because we don’t want to be alone. But what we are clinging to is not real. It is a memory. And yeah, it’s scary to think of being alone. It’s one of the hardest things to contend with. Because our essence as humans is to live in relation to others. And so being afraid of being alone is only natural. But that is why God gives us people that can be there for us, that are like a God-given family to us, who are there for us no matter what, whenever, wherever, however. It is that kind of God-given family that sustains us, that keeps us going, that helps us to push on when things are hard, when we’re really struggling, when it seems like all is just too difficult and it is an effort to simply get through the day. Those are the people that are there for us, who check in on us, who do whatever they can to make things a little less hard, a little less difficult, a little lighter. And they help us to see that we aren’t alone, that God is looking out for us even when we don’t realise it, even when we are so enmeshed in whatever we are struggling with that we struggle to see it.

We may look to Peter following the Transfiguration of the Lord on Mount Tabor, when he said to the Lord that they should stay there and pitch tents, because he wanted to remain in that moment, rather than face the harsh reality that Jesus was going to His death in Jerusalem. But then God spoke telling them to listen to His Son. God wanted them not to get caught up in their own ideals of what could be with Christ, but to face the reality that Christ would go to His death. Peter does the same thing when Jesus tells His disciples that “He must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things from the elders and the chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised,” saying to Jesus that “this shall never happen to you.” And what does Jesus do? He rebukes him, saying to him “Get behind me, Satan!” This comes directly after Peter has confessed Jesus as the Christ and been given the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven. When Peter and the disciples were made to confront a reality of their lives, that Jesus was going to die, that what He had told them was going to happen, they struggled to contend with it, despite all the joys they had been experiencing in being part of Christ’s ministry in between. But when they faced that reality, and when they finally came to understand it, it was like a weight was lifted from them and they joyfully went about living out God’s plans for their lives.

And I think this sums up the experience of life so aptly. Because one moment we can be living happily, enjoying life, and then the next we can sit there struggling to contend with the realities of life. But God does not leave us. He does not abandon us. It is in these moments that He purifies us. It is in these moments that He gives us the people that we need to get by, a God-given family perhaps, one that we know within our hearts He has brought into our lives to be there for us, to guide us, to walk with us so that we don’t have to do it all alone. And while it may take some time to overcome all the thoughts and feelings and emotions that are swirling around inside us and to face and come to terms with the reality that we are struggling to contend with, that time will come. We will get there, with the support of those people God has given us to accompany us along the way. And when we abandon ourselves to Him, when we give it all over to Him and allow Him to work in us, He will guide us along the way and help us to get there. Because He’s got us always, no matter what. He never gives up on us even in our worst moments, even when we struggle to just survive. He’s there. He’s with us. And He will always be walking alongside us, guiding us no matter what.

Pressure and Perfection

On By Joel AgiusIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

I want to emphasise from the get go here that this reflection is simply that, a reflection – one that focuses in on something that is really a pressure point of the human condition, of the way we live in relation to one another and the way our minds are shaped. It is something I think a lot of us struggle with, whether we realise it or not. And I think it’s something that is important for us to reflect upon and consider more deeply with an open heart, mind, and soul.

So many of us grow up under pressure. Most, if not all, of this pressure is generally external to ourselves. It could be (and most often seems to be) family who put pressure on us to excel, to push ourselves, to achieve highly in all that we do. And while this is not necessarily a bad thing, it can become problematic because it is something that is happening while we are growing and still being shaped as a person, while we are still vulnerable and malleable.  

Such pressure can cause us to reach a point where, when we are slightly older, we begin to put pressure on ourselves. We put pressure on ourselves to succeed, to excel, to push ourselves. But the problem is that we start to push ourselves beyond our limits, and this can become incredibly harmful to ourselves and our own wellbeing. The pressure that has been put on us throughout our lives to this point can actually be detrimental to our mental wellbeing, because it creates a mindset within us that we must be a certain way, we must achieve certain benchmarks at certain times, we must do this and think that in order to be respected as a person.

But therein is the lie. Because here’s the thing – we are all just human, and we are all just doing our best to do what we can. None of us are machines – we cannot just program ourselves to be perfect in all that we do, because no one on Earth is perfect. We all have our flaws, our imperfections. But just because someone has a flaw, just because someone is imperfect, just because someone is simply doing the best they possibly can, does not mean they are any less worthy of respect as a person. Because it takes effort to even live. It takes effort to just get through each day sometimes – and sometimes just getting through the day is an achievement. 

Our lives are not defined by marks, grades, what job we have, what we’re struggling with, or whatever else. They are defined by what we make them in relation with God. Many of us who have been under pressure our whole lives will feel a need to plan out our lives meticulously, because we feel that we need to be in control of something. I think there is really something to that – we have had such little control over our own lives so we begin trying to control what we can. The whole cycle of control is vicious. One person tries to control another, and then that person feels a lack of control in their own life so they try to control something or someone else, and the cycle continues. It is so important for us to break the cycle.

Those of us who have been under pressure for so long can feel a need to satisfy others. We put pressure on ourselves because we have a mindset that if we fail we will disappoint so many people and will be judged for it. But I think we need to ask ourselves a question: why are we allowing other people to control our happiness? Why are we allowing other people to practically run our lives for us? Are those people perfect? Doubt it. And I get that there is this idea among people that they are not perfect themselves but their kids could be perfect and better than them. But that is a lot of pressure to put on a young person in this world. And it is simply not true. Because we are all going to fall short in some way. There is no denying that. Because each one of us is imperfect in some way. And the problem is that when we put so much pressure on young people it can become overwhelming for them, even to the point that it causes significant mental health issues that they have to contend with, possibly even for the rest of their lives. And while this may not be intended, it is what tends to happen nonetheless.

We as human beings were made to live in relation to one another. We were created with free will in order to make choices and decisions that will ultimately affect how we live. But I think we sometimes fail to understand that free will. Because that free will is not simply just choosing whatever we want and expecting it all to turn out good. God gave us free will in the hope that we would use it to choose Him. God wants us to choose Him, to live our lives in accordance with Him, in such a way that will draw us closer to Him and allow us to live in union with Him. The thing is that oftentimes we struggle to do this, because we have been conditioned by the world, by external pressures all around us, to live in a certain way, to act in a certain way, to choose certain things over others, even if living that way, acting that way, and those things that we choose are not good, are not ordered towards our good.

The thing about the external pressures in our lives, pressures we may have grown up with which have affected us for a good portion of our lives thus far, is that they can become incredibly overwhelming. Those pressures can change us. They can put us on a path where we are constantly trying to force things in our lives to happen. They can put us in a mindset where we feel like we absolutely have to go through life in a certain way, rather than allowing God to take the reins. But there is no joy, there is no happiness, there is no life in that. The good in life cannot be forced. It must be allowed in gently when the time is right, when we are prepared to receive it in our hearts, minds, and souls.

I think perfectionism also comes into this. For those of us who have grown up dealing with pressure day in day out, we feel the need to be perfect in all that we do. We feel like everything around us has to be perfect, like every task we carry out has to be done perfectly. If something goes wrong, if something is imperfect, it can irk us to some extent. I want to emphasise here that this is not our own fault. It is a result of those pressures that we face in our early lives, particularly in our childhood. We may have grown up in an environment where there were incredibly high expectations of us. And so we have been constantly trying to live up to those expectations. Our mindset has been shaped by living in such a way, to the point that failure becomes catastrophic and anything less than perfection is unacceptable. Why? Because we have become so conditioned to perfection – or moreso to what is an ideal of perfection. And we fear the judgement or disapproval that may come if we fall short.

Once we are in such a mindset, it is hard to get out of it. I think for those of us who deal with such pressure in our lives, who have grown up dealing with such pressure, this is a difficult reality to face when we are confronted with it. We have this idea that everything in our life needs to be perfect, that our lives must be perfectly planned out, that there is really no viable alternative to that. We put up little walls and defenses to try to block out or shoot down any kind of idea or worldview that may challenge this. And so it becomes challenging to open our hearts, minds, and souls to the alternative that is actually truly perfect – trusting in God and His plan for our lives. 

But here’s the thing (and this is something I’m going to reiterate because it’s important for each one of us to understand, whether we have such a mindset or not) – there is no perfection in this world. There is no perfection in this world. There has only ever been perfection in this world in Jesus Christ and in the Blessed Mother Mary. The idea that we are able to attain some kind of true perfection in this world is just that – an idea. There is no true perfection in this world. It is merely an ideal. It is the same ideal that was fed to the woman by the serpent in the Garden of Eden at the beginning of humankind. The serpent fed her an ideal, a lie, and it took hold, and sin came into the world. The truth is that God created each of us as we are – perfectly imperfect. And there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with our imperfections, because they are what make us human. They are part of the beauty of being human. They are what make us truly unique, what set us apart from others. They are part of the very essence of who we are. And God would not have created us as we are, with our little ‘imperfections’ if not for some purpose, if not to bring glory to Him. Our imperfections help us to grow as people and to grow closer to God. When we understand that we are each imperfect, we can come to see how we are all united in imperfection but together are drawn closer to perfection which is found in Christ.

Christ tells us that we must be perfect as our Heavenly Father is perfect. This does not mean we must be perfect in every way in this world at this very moment – because that would be impossible. What it does mean is that we must unite our lives to God, we must choose Him and give over our lives to Him, to allow Him to take the reins, to freely give of ourselves in all that we are to Him, to trust in Him and His plan for our lives completely, so that He may be able to work in us to purify us, to enact His plan for our lives in His timing, and to draw us closer to Him, closer to perfection, ultimately perfecting us in His goodness, His graces, and His love so that we may come into full union with Him in the Kingdom of Heaven. Being perfect means living our lives in perfect union with God – and while that may be difficult to do, while it may be incredibly challenging to overcome the mindsets we have become rooted in as a result of the external pressures that have impacted us from a young age, it is so incredibly rewarding when we do it. It is so freeing, because we come to understand that God has got us, that He is working in our lives, and that being who we are, being everything that we are, being perfectly imperfect, is okay, that it is good. And it is once we come to understand this that we can truly find peace and live a truly fulfilling life.

So it is okay for things not to go right. It is okay for things not to go as we plan them. It is okay to make mistakes. It is okay to fall. It is okay to fail. It is okay for things not to be perfect. Those imperfections are okay. In fact, they are good. Because they make us human. They make us real. They make us who we are. And It is okay to let go of control. It is okay to give over control to God. It is okay to feel, to express yourself, to be you in all that you are in every moment, even if you’re a mess, because that’s real. That’s genuine. That is human. We are not machines. We are not perfectly built machines that can do everything right and perfectly all the time. We are human. We are going to feel, and think, and struggle, and try, and do what we can, even if that seems insignificant, even if it is just getting through another day. There is no truly human person in the history of mankind that has truly lived in a machine-like manner. Even the incarnation of perfection itself – Jesus Christ – did not exist purely in His Divinity, but took on humanity and all its struggles, all its emotions, all its moments of joy and sorrow. He experienced what it is to be human. He felt the moments of heartache, of trepidation. He saw people struggle, He saw people fall, He saw people just trying to get by, and He met them where they were at. He loved them in all their woundedness, in all their brokenness, in all their struggles, in all their imperfections. And that has never changed. He loves you in all your wounds, in all your brokenness, in all that you think and feel and struggle with. He loves you in all that you are, no matter what. He did not create you to be perfect in this world, because the idea of perfection in this world is warped by sin and evil. He created you to be you. He created you to be everything that you are. There are no great expectations of perfection as the world would have it. There is only this: that you open your heart, mind, and soul to Him and to all He has planned for your life, and that you be all that you were created to be in His Goodness, in His Grace, and in His Love.