The human condition is an experience. It is something we live out only once, but is filled with different chapters, a multitude of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. No one life is straightforward, because the human condition is complex. Each of us are really just doing our best to live, to get by, to figure out how we make our way through the world. And that is not always a simple task. It can be difficult, overwhelming even.

See the thing about life is that it’s not always sunshine and rainbows. There are the joys of life which we experience, and we wish we could just hold onto those moments, to cling to them because they are good. But while we can remember them and reminisce over them even, life moves forward. And with the highs come the lows. Each of us will experience those times in our lives when we struggle to get through the day, when all we want to do is sit and wallow in the chaos of our own minds. We let the thoughts consume us, because we struggle to muster up the strength to even fight them, because to fight them can just be exhausting and even more draining. It’s easier to just sit and let it all flow as it may.

I think the thing about us as humans is we become so drawn to ideals. We go through life and experience things and think that maybe we can replicate that, maybe we can live that over and over again. But the harsh reality of life is that once we have an experience we can never get it back. We can never truly replicate something. Because that is not realistic. It’s not how life works. We move through life and meet people and they join our lives for a season or two. But then they leave, or we leave. Or maybe they hurt us, and our hearts and minds keep a record of that, so much so that they try to protect us from ever being hurt again. Because the last thing we want as humans is to be hurt. We want to do all we can to avoid pain, to avoid suffering, to avoid being damaged. 

The thing about us as humans is that our minds work in such a way that we can become attached to others, and to experiences. When we form bonds with other people, these bonds form what we call neuropathways within the brain in the same activation centre that things like alcohol, drugs, and things like sugar light up when we consume them. And so, thoughts and memories can light these up as well. We may spend time dwelling on memories, on the times of the past, and in doing so we feed those pathways and ultimately the groove of the attachment bond. And given our human anthropology – to live in relation to others – and our biological instinct not to be alone but to be in partnership, we are more readily able to access positive memories over negative ones. And that can be a whole trip in itself.

But there will be moments when we are able to experience a sense of clarity of mind and thought, and to recognise the reality of whatever we may be struggling with. And we ultimately recognise the reality life – that the ideal is not something that is real. It is merely that – an ideal. It is something that exists only in our mind. And it is so taxing because we can become so attached to it that it can be a struggle to let it go, to overcome the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that come with it. But I think in those moments of clarity, we can rationalise a little better, because we no longer only become focused on the positive memories, but we are better able to access the not so great memories as well, and so we are better able to recognise the reality of it all. 

And I think that when we come to recognise that, we can come to see how God has a greater plan for us, how He has people out there for us that are good for us, that are going to be good to us, that are going to treat us well no matter what – even in the darker times in life. Because those are the times when we really see who people are below the surface. It is in moments of brokenness, of hardship, of trials, and moments when things do not go how we want them to go, moments when things go awry, that we as humans show each other who we are. Some of us retreat into ourselves and try to hide. Some of us become angry and hurt others. And some of us do all we can to push on and just keep fighting to get through it, to accept what has happened and to bear the burdens as they fall – we don’t let it consume us, we don’t let ourselves become problematic and hurtful and toxic to the people around us. We just do our best to pick up the pieces and move forward.

I think the hardest part for many of us is to be able to face the harsh realities of life. Because those realities can be difficult to contend with. Sometimes we feel it would be easier to just hide away from them, to run from them and try to escape them. But the thing about being human is that we can never really outrun them. Because we will tire, and they will catch up to us. And when they do it can be even harder to face them, to confront them. But part of being human and living this thing we call life is that we must face those realities and come to accept them, even if it hurts to do that, even if it feels like hell.

And that is why it is so important to have a good group of people around us to support us, to be there for us when we are struggling, when we are dealing with such thoughts and feelings and emotions and struggles, when we are in the midst of it and we are struggling with the realities of it all. Because we humans have wild imaginations, and we tend to get stuck on the what-ifs. But life is not a series of what-ifs – it is a tapestry of experiences which shape us, which help us to learn and better understand the intricacies of what life is. It is a series of realities which confront us, which we can choose to accept and learn from, or to ignore and dispose ourselves to a greater struggle. I think often we really know what the reality is. But sometimes it takes an outside perspective to help us to understand it better, because when we are so caught up in our own thoughts and we allow our imagination to run wild we cannot possibly think clearly and process and understand that reality. Those people that are around us, that support us and are there for us, those are the people we should turn to. Those are the people that will help us to contend with whatever we are facing, who will walk with us, who will guide us, who will be there for us, who will pray with and for us.

I think sometimes that we become so attached to the past because we are scared of the future. We cling to what we have experienced in the past because we think it might give us a sense of comfort. But that ‘comfort’ is fleeting. True comfort is found in the people who support us through these times, and in God and our Christian faith. It is in these times that we should draw near to God, to place our trust and faith in Him and His plan for our lives, to just allow Him to take over, to allow Him to take care of us, to rest in Him. I truly believe that it is faith that keeps us going through some of the most challenging times of our lives, because it is that faith which grounds us and helps us to understand and accept the realities of life. 

I think we also become attached to the experiences of the past because we don’t want to be alone. But what we are clinging to is not real. It is a memory. And yeah, it’s scary to think of being alone. It’s one of the hardest things to contend with. Because our essence as humans is to live in relation to others. And so being afraid of being alone is only natural. But that is why God gives us people that can be there for us, that are like a God-given family to us, who are there for us no matter what, whenever, wherever, however. It is that kind of God-given family that sustains us, that keeps us going, that helps us to push on when things are hard, when we’re really struggling, when it seems like all is just too difficult and it is an effort to simply get through the day. Those are the people that are there for us, who check in on us, who do whatever they can to make things a little less hard, a little less difficult, a little lighter. And they help us to see that we aren’t alone, that God is looking out for us even when we don’t realise it, even when we are so enmeshed in whatever we are struggling with that we struggle to see it.

We may look to Peter following the Transfiguration of the Lord on Mount Tabor, when he said to the Lord that they should stay there and pitch tents, because he wanted to remain in that moment, rather than face the harsh reality that Jesus was going to His death in Jerusalem. But then God spoke telling them to listen to His Son. God wanted them not to get caught up in their own ideals of what could be with Christ, but to face the reality that Christ would go to His death. Peter does the same thing when Jesus tells His disciples that “He must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things from the elders and the chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised,” saying to Jesus that “this shall never happen to you.” And what does Jesus do? He rebukes him, saying to him “Get behind me, Satan!” This comes directly after Peter has confessed Jesus as the Christ and been given the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven. When Peter and the disciples were made to confront a reality of their lives, that Jesus was going to die, that what He had told them was going to happen, they struggled to contend with it, despite all the joys they had been experiencing in being part of Christ’s ministry in between. But when they faced that reality, and when they finally came to understand it, it was like a weight was lifted from them and they joyfully went about living out God’s plans for their lives.

And I think this sums up the experience of life so aptly. Because one moment we can be living happily, enjoying life, and then the next we can sit there struggling to contend with the realities of life. But God does not leave us. He does not abandon us. It is in these moments that He purifies us. It is in these moments that He gives us the people that we need to get by, a God-given family perhaps, one that we know within our hearts He has brought into our lives to be there for us, to guide us, to walk with us so that we don’t have to do it all alone. And while it may take some time to overcome all the thoughts and feelings and emotions that are swirling around inside us and to face and come to terms with the reality that we are struggling to contend with, that time will come. We will get there, with the support of those people God has given us to accompany us along the way. And when we abandon ourselves to Him, when we give it all over to Him and allow Him to work in us, He will guide us along the way and help us to get there. Because He’s got us always, no matter what. He never gives up on us even in our worst moments, even when we struggle to just survive. He’s there. He’s with us. And He will always be walking alongside us, guiding us no matter what.

I want to emphasise from the get go here that this reflection is simply that, a reflection – one that focuses in on something that is really a pressure point of the human condition, of the way we live in relation to one another and the way our minds are shaped. It is something I think a lot of us struggle with, whether we realise it or not. And I think it’s something that is important for us to reflect upon and consider more deeply with an open heart, mind, and soul.

So many of us grow up under pressure. Most, if not all, of this pressure is generally external to ourselves. It could be (and most often seems to be) family who put pressure on us to excel, to push ourselves, to achieve highly in all that we do. And while this is not necessarily a bad thing, it can become problematic because it is something that is happening while we are growing and still being shaped as a person, while we are still vulnerable and malleable.  

Such pressure can cause us to reach a point where, when we are slightly older, we begin to put pressure on ourselves. We put pressure on ourselves to succeed, to excel, to push ourselves. But the problem is that we start to push ourselves beyond our limits, and this can become incredibly harmful to ourselves and our own wellbeing. The pressure that has been put on us throughout our lives to this point can actually be detrimental to our mental wellbeing, because it creates a mindset within us that we must be a certain way, we must achieve certain benchmarks at certain times, we must do this and think that in order to be respected as a person.

But therein is the lie. Because here’s the thing – we are all just human, and we are all just doing our best to do what we can. None of us are machines – we cannot just program ourselves to be perfect in all that we do, because no one on Earth is perfect. We all have our flaws, our imperfections. But just because someone has a flaw, just because someone is imperfect, just because someone is simply doing the best they possibly can, does not mean they are any less worthy of respect as a person. Because it takes effort to even live. It takes effort to just get through each day sometimes – and sometimes just getting through the day is an achievement. 

Our lives are not defined by marks, grades, what job we have, what we’re struggling with, or whatever else. They are defined by what we make them in relation with God. Many of us who have been under pressure our whole lives will feel a need to plan out our lives meticulously, because we feel that we need to be in control of something. I think there is really something to that – we have had such little control over our own lives so we begin trying to control what we can. The whole cycle of control is vicious. One person tries to control another, and then that person feels a lack of control in their own life so they try to control something or someone else, and the cycle continues. It is so important for us to break the cycle.

Those of us who have been under pressure for so long can feel a need to satisfy others. We put pressure on ourselves because we have a mindset that if we fail we will disappoint so many people and will be judged for it. But I think we need to ask ourselves a question: why are we allowing other people to control our happiness? Why are we allowing other people to practically run our lives for us? Are those people perfect? Doubt it. And I get that there is this idea among people that they are not perfect themselves but their kids could be perfect and better than them. But that is a lot of pressure to put on a young person in this world. And it is simply not true. Because we are all going to fall short in some way. There is no denying that. Because each one of us is imperfect in some way. And the problem is that when we put so much pressure on young people it can become overwhelming for them, even to the point that it causes significant mental health issues that they have to contend with, possibly even for the rest of their lives. And while this may not be intended, it is what tends to happen nonetheless.

We as human beings were made to live in relation to one another. We were created with free will in order to make choices and decisions that will ultimately affect how we live. But I think we sometimes fail to understand that free will. Because that free will is not simply just choosing whatever we want and expecting it all to turn out good. God gave us free will in the hope that we would use it to choose Him. God wants us to choose Him, to live our lives in accordance with Him, in such a way that will draw us closer to Him and allow us to live in union with Him. The thing is that oftentimes we struggle to do this, because we have been conditioned by the world, by external pressures all around us, to live in a certain way, to act in a certain way, to choose certain things over others, even if living that way, acting that way, and those things that we choose are not good, are not ordered towards our good.

The thing about the external pressures in our lives, pressures we may have grown up with which have affected us for a good portion of our lives thus far, is that they can become incredibly overwhelming. Those pressures can change us. They can put us on a path where we are constantly trying to force things in our lives to happen. They can put us in a mindset where we feel like we absolutely have to go through life in a certain way, rather than allowing God to take the reins. But there is no joy, there is no happiness, there is no life in that. The good in life cannot be forced. It must be allowed in gently when the time is right, when we are prepared to receive it in our hearts, minds, and souls.

I think perfectionism also comes into this. For those of us who have grown up dealing with pressure day in day out, we feel the need to be perfect in all that we do. We feel like everything around us has to be perfect, like every task we carry out has to be done perfectly. If something goes wrong, if something is imperfect, it can irk us to some extent. I want to emphasise here that this is not our own fault. It is a result of those pressures that we face in our early lives, particularly in our childhood. We may have grown up in an environment where there were incredibly high expectations of us. And so we have been constantly trying to live up to those expectations. Our mindset has been shaped by living in such a way, to the point that failure becomes catastrophic and anything less than perfection is unacceptable. Why? Because we have become so conditioned to perfection – or moreso to what is an ideal of perfection. And we fear the judgement or disapproval that may come if we fall short.

Once we are in such a mindset, it is hard to get out of it. I think for those of us who deal with such pressure in our lives, who have grown up dealing with such pressure, this is a difficult reality to face when we are confronted with it. We have this idea that everything in our life needs to be perfect, that our lives must be perfectly planned out, that there is really no viable alternative to that. We put up little walls and defenses to try to block out or shoot down any kind of idea or worldview that may challenge this. And so it becomes challenging to open our hearts, minds, and souls to the alternative that is actually truly perfect – trusting in God and His plan for our lives. 

But here’s the thing (and this is something I’m going to reiterate because it’s important for each one of us to understand, whether we have such a mindset or not) – there is no perfection in this world. There is no perfection in this world. There has only ever been perfection in this world in Jesus Christ and in the Blessed Mother Mary. The idea that we are able to attain some kind of true perfection in this world is just that – an idea. There is no true perfection in this world. It is merely an ideal. It is the same ideal that was fed to the woman by the serpent in the Garden of Eden at the beginning of humankind. The serpent fed her an ideal, a lie, and it took hold, and sin came into the world. The truth is that God created each of us as we are – perfectly imperfect. And there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with our imperfections, because they are what make us human. They are part of the beauty of being human. They are what make us truly unique, what set us apart from others. They are part of the very essence of who we are. And God would not have created us as we are, with our little ‘imperfections’ if not for some purpose, if not to bring glory to Him. Our imperfections help us to grow as people and to grow closer to God. When we understand that we are each imperfect, we can come to see how we are all united in imperfection but together are drawn closer to perfection which is found in Christ.

Christ tells us that we must be perfect as our Heavenly Father is perfect. This does not mean we must be perfect in every way in this world at this very moment – because that would be impossible. What it does mean is that we must unite our lives to God, we must choose Him and give over our lives to Him, to allow Him to take the reins, to freely give of ourselves in all that we are to Him, to trust in Him and His plan for our lives completely, so that He may be able to work in us to purify us, to enact His plan for our lives in His timing, and to draw us closer to Him, closer to perfection, ultimately perfecting us in His goodness, His graces, and His love so that we may come into full union with Him in the Kingdom of Heaven. Being perfect means living our lives in perfect union with God – and while that may be difficult to do, while it may be incredibly challenging to overcome the mindsets we have become rooted in as a result of the external pressures that have impacted us from a young age, it is so incredibly rewarding when we do it. It is so freeing, because we come to understand that God has got us, that He is working in our lives, and that being who we are, being everything that we are, being perfectly imperfect, is okay, that it is good. And it is once we come to understand this that we can truly find peace and live a truly fulfilling life.

So it is okay for things not to go right. It is okay for things not to go as we plan them. It is okay to make mistakes. It is okay to fall. It is okay to fail. It is okay for things not to be perfect. Those imperfections are okay. In fact, they are good. Because they make us human. They make us real. They make us who we are. And It is okay to let go of control. It is okay to give over control to God. It is okay to feel, to express yourself, to be you in all that you are in every moment, even if you’re a mess, because that’s real. That’s genuine. That is human. We are not machines. We are not perfectly built machines that can do everything right and perfectly all the time. We are human. We are going to feel, and think, and struggle, and try, and do what we can, even if that seems insignificant, even if it is just getting through another day. There is no truly human person in the history of mankind that has truly lived in a machine-like manner. Even the incarnation of perfection itself – Jesus Christ – did not exist purely in His Divinity, but took on humanity and all its struggles, all its emotions, all its moments of joy and sorrow. He experienced what it is to be human. He felt the moments of heartache, of trepidation. He saw people struggle, He saw people fall, He saw people just trying to get by, and He met them where they were at. He loved them in all their woundedness, in all their brokenness, in all their struggles, in all their imperfections. And that has never changed. He loves you in all your wounds, in all your brokenness, in all that you think and feel and struggle with. He loves you in all that you are, no matter what. He did not create you to be perfect in this world, because the idea of perfection in this world is warped by sin and evil. He created you to be you. He created you to be everything that you are. There are no great expectations of perfection as the world would have it. There is only this: that you open your heart, mind, and soul to Him and to all He has planned for your life, and that you be all that you were created to be in His Goodness, in His Grace, and in His Love.

We humans always seem to want to plan out our lives. We want everything to be perfect, done the way we want it, when we want it. But I think we are like this because we want things to be predictable, because we want things to be in our control, because when things are out of our control they have the potential to harm us and others – there is the possibility of chaos, and that is something I think many of us really fear. It may also be that we have been so out of control of our own lives for so long – that others have been controlling our lives – to the point that we now feel as if we have to make sure we can control every aspect of our lives. But that kind of mindset can just be detrimental to our own good. We need to break that cycle.

The thing about life is that you can plan and plan and plan. You can plan every minuscule detail, and yet there will always be something that does not go to plan. And there is a real beauty in that. Because to go through life as just a plan is basically just like checking off boxes on a to-do list. There is nothing exciting or joyful about that. It’s so mundane. To live life trust in God’s plan for your life though is so exciting, because it leaves room for the unexpected. It leaves room for really good and beautiful things to take place. It allows God to work in your life so that you can be truly happy, truly fulfilled. 

We cannot force life. Because to seek to control every aspect of our lives is not only exhausting and both mentally and physically draining, but it also does not allow God to really work in our lives. In a way we are trying to control things rather than allowing Him to take control and trusting in Him that He will being about good in our lives. And that may not always be in the way we want it or how we want it. And that can be hard for us to deal with because we always want instant gratification. We always want things to happen when we want them to happen and in the way we want them to happen. We want things to be in our control, because when they are out of our control we can start to become anxious, we can start to worry that everything in our lives is going to go wrong, that we’re not going to end up happy. But that’s not true. That’s purely irrational, because such thought is not of God.

God wants what is best for us. He is a loving Father who cares deeply and greatly for each one of us. And He guides us along each step of our journey through life, which has its ultimate end in union with Him in eternal happiness. He wants us to enjoy life, but we must also realise that we cannot really truly enjoy life if we are spending our time trying to control every aspect of it and plan for every part of it and every possible outcome. Sometimes we can become so caught up in doing this that we fail to actually live. We fail to live in each moment, to cherish each moment – and each moment is given to us by God. We spend so much time worrying about the future, about what could go wrong, about everything else, that we don’t just take the time to appreciate the moment of life we are in, to live in that moment and be grateful for it.

Each one of us thinks we know what is best for our own lives. But we don’t. We’re stupid human beings who really don’t know. We can barely make decisions about small things in our day-to-day lives. We argue over the most inane stuff. We do some really stupid things. How can we possibly know what is truly best for us? We can’t. But God can. And so we must trust in Him. Always. We are all lost without His Fatherly guidance. And so we must surrender to it, allowing Him to bring about the fulfillment of His plan for our lives.

And so this is what we as humans should do. Because happiness is not found in ideals about the future, but in the joys of the present. And yeah, it’s hard to surrender our lives to God and allow Him to take control, because it’s scary to not know what might happen, to not know for certain what each day of our lives, what the future, may hold. But God is good, and He wants what is good for us, and His plan for each one of our lives is GOOD. And so we must ask ourselves, is our relationship with God one where we are trying to take control, one where we are wrestling with Him for control, or one where we are surrendering to Him and allowing Him to bring about His plan for our lives? Because when we surrender our life to God and trust Him and His plan for our life completely, we open ourselves up to whatever may come by His grace, and we know that whatever may come will be good, and that it will be perfect for us.

I think something we all come to realise at some point in our lives is that there are important lessons to be learned in life – lessons that God wants us to learn and helps us to learn in one way or another. Sometimes it is necessary for us to endure some kind of struggle, some kind of suffering, some kind of challenge or difficulty, in order to understand God and His plan for our life. While it is difficult to see any kind of purpose or meaning in such trials in the moments in which we face them, we eventually come to realise that we had to endure them to reach this point where we understand that there is a greater value to living life within the context of God’s plan for it, rather than our plan for it. And I speak here from experience. I had a plan for my life. I know plenty of others who have had plans for their lives. Did those plans play out as I and they had planned? No. Because as much as we may try, we can never really plan out our life to a tee. I thought I would be a full-time journalist working for some media outlet right now with a stable income and everything. But God had other plans – now I’m about to go into a Master’s program working towards culmination in entry into and completion of a Doctoral program. Do I know for certain I’m going to achieve all that and achieve it all smoothly? Not at all. But I trust in God’s plan for my life, whatever that may be, because I know that it will be good. 

And yes, it took going through some pretty challenging things mentally over the past couple of months to realise this, to truly understand it, but now I do, and I am sharing this because I feel God has put it on my heart to share, because I know that there are people out there who are probably struggling with the same thing who need to hear this. I know there are people out there who are probably anxious about their future, who are trying to plan everything out to the second because they want to feel a sense of reassurance that everything is going to be okay, that they have control over their lives. But here’s the thing – none of us can ever truly have complete control over our lives. We can plan all we want, but something will undoubtedly go astray – probably many things actually. When this happens, we can become so upset and distraught. But we need to learn to be okay with things not going the way we were hoping and planning they would. We need to learn that we cannot control everything. In fact, when we seek to control everything instead of allowing God to take the reins, we begin to demonstrate a lack of trust in God and His will, His plan for our lives. We need to surrender it all to God – to surrender the present and the future to Him – so that we may live well in the present and be prepared by Him for the future. Because everything will come, but not in our timing – rather, in His. And God’s timing is always perfect. He knows when we are ready. He knows our capabilities and capacities. And He will give us the most beautiful things when He deems us to be ready for them.

Surrender your life totally to God, let Him enact His plan for your life, and trust that it will always be good. Because it will be, even if you don’t believe it. Because He has got you, always, no matter what. And, quite honestly, His plan tends to always be better than our own.