Dominion, the voting system company at the centre of claims of election fraud, have seen a surge in support in the last couple of weeks. A Dominion spokesperson said that, since the November election, the company has received thousands of calls requesting the software for “research purposes”. Allegedly, one of the callers sounded like attorney Sidney Powell, who has been investigating the claims of fraud over the past month.

The rise in support for Dominion mysteriously coincides with an increase in sales of lottery tickets. We tracked down one man, Ivan Money, who somehow managed to win the Jackpot Prize three weeks running. When questioned about his luck, Ivan said he just had a lucky charm which seemed to work a treat. When we asked to see his lucky charm, Ivan led us into a room filled with Democrat Party memorabilia, including a framed picture of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris above the mantlepiece.

Ivan directed us to the centre of the room, where he kept the source of his luck, a Voting Machine. When we asked him where he got it, he told us a friend who had worked as an election official in Georgia had dropped it in and asked him to mind it. We completely believed him, because why would we have any reason not to?

After all, The New York Times, The Washington Post, CNN, and MSNBC told us there is no evidence of widespread election fraud, and they would never lie to the people. They only report the facts, and we must not question their authority. If they say there is no fraud, there is no fraud, and we must believe that wholeheartedly. After all, we would not want to have independent thought. That is a terrible affliction.